Any Objections?

You've seen it many many times in the movies.  Two people getting married but the true love is not at the altar. The Hero rushes in right when when the minister asks "if there be any just cause...."

In reality it just doesn't happen but I suspect there may be one good one in my future. There  was an occasion  where I almost objected to marrying the couple on account of the borderline drunkenness of the groom.  When I told him I would refuse to marry him if he continued to act out he seemed to sober up considerably so all proceeded pleasantly!

There was a close call about 8 years ago and it was uncomfortably awkward. The two people in question had emigrated to New Zealand.  They came back to South Africa for a holiday and decided that it would be a good time to get married.  They announced to all their friends they were having an engagement party.  Secretly they planned with me for this to be a wedding.  A surprise wedding!  That WAS a surprise.  It was bound to be fun.

About 50 or so family and friends showed up.  I stood around a little sheepishly trying not to draw too much attention to myself and ignoring the inquiring "who the hell is he?" stares.

Finally all guests were asked to sit down.  I stepped forward and announced that the gathering was in fact a wedding.  There was applause and everyone seemed happy.  I launched into the ceremony and all seemed just fine. Then I got to the inevitable "any objections?" question.  After the briefest of silences a woman about 2 rows back stood up and walked out.  The pause fell pregnant, went full term and almost gave birth before I thrust headlong into the remaining ceremony.  After that it was great and there was no further incident.

Afterward I asked who had walked out.  Turns out it was the groom's mother.  They weren't too shocked and had expected something as there had been ongoing issues.  They were confident it would be resolved.  I offered to help mediate and resolve a clearly touchy issue.  They assured me all was well.

I really hope it was.

Oscar comes to the wedding industry

So, the Oscar type awards event has come to the South African wedding industry.

It's a very clever idea.  The wedding industry in South Africa has exploded and it is now a multi-billion rand enterprise. A group called the South African Bridal Industry Academy (SABIA) started a couple years ago and positioned themselves as the industry authority.  Suppliers become members and it gives the general idea of legitimacy to an otherwise unregulated industry.

SABIA started an awards programme to acknowledge those who do very well.  Results are based on nominations and votes from brides.  Every supplier from the florists, the cake makers, bridal shops and of course celebrants are included.  You don't necessarily have to be the best but you must be the best at getting your brides to vote for you.

If you are among the winners AND you are also a member of SABIA you get great exposure which makes membership an incentive. These awards were known as the "VOW Awards" but have now been re-branded as the far more sensible "Brides Choice Awards".

I found out about this in May.  Nominations were to close at the end of June so I had around 6 weeks to get as many of the brides I'd married in the last year to log on and vote.  It went surprisingly well and I received fantastic support.

After the results had been verified and audited (I was told there is a very strict procedure for this) I was informed in July that I had placed in the top 3 but  final winners would be announced at a gala dinner  in Cape Town on August 19th.  Great. A flight to Cape Town, a night of accommodation and a R700 ticket to the event to find out if I had won!  Despite this I got into the excitement of it all.

I approached the event in a very nonchalant manner.  I mean top three is great, right? I thought the trip would give me the opportunity to meet others in the industry and get a generally feel of what is going down, whose who and from there plot my future.

It is very fortunate that I know the owners of Tintswalo Atlantic a shoreline lodge in Hout Bay and they were gracious enough to give me a night at their lodge.  And I must note here that this is probably the best hotel I have ever stayed in.  It was simply superb and in my opinion a must for anyone visiting Cape Town.

Finally the time for the event arrived.  Held at the Vineyard Spa & Hotel in Newlands it seemed posh enough with champaign at the reception and the soft hum of muted conversation by small groups of people that know each other.  I was duly given my name tag. And surely there is a better system than walking around with a name tag that everyone is really too embarrassed to stare at and read.  I took mine off only to have Alysson Watt, SABIA's head honcho and organiser, come over and put it back on.  And of course a few people standing awkwardly on their own desperately hoping their Blackberries would do something to distract them from the awkwardness. I found myself in this last collection of people.

I was struck by the fact that not one attending industry supplier was black or indian.  It is a clearly white dominated industry - something that will surely need to be addressed.  (But, by whom?). It would also seem that Afrikaans women have a dominating presence.  I was impressed by this.

Thankfully we were finally called into the banquet room.  There were approximately 15 round tables with each seating 10 people.  The room was mocked up very much like a wedding.  Sitting at my table were decorators from Pretoria, venue owners from Bloem, a businessman backer of SABIA and a florist from Cape Town.  After a muted start our conversation got more animated.

It took ages to start but once it did the awards rolled very quickly.  I looked down the programme and saw that my category was about half way through the first batch of awards (those being given between starters and the main course).  Without warning I became nervous and for the first time realised that I really wanted to win this. Wow! In each category the bronze, silver and gold winners were announced.  We arrived at the "marriage celebrant" category and with what seemed liked little pomp I was announced as the silver winner.  No bronze or gold winner was announced.  I headed up to the podium, got my picture taken and made an impromptu speech and headed out of the room to have another picture taken.

And that was it, I was done. The questions swirled: Who was first? How much did I lose by? Who came third?  Why weren't the others announced? Turns out the other two winners were not members and they were not present so no big announcement for them!

The event was not without its embarrassing moments with one venue being announced as the Gold winner only to immediately be told "No, sorry it's actually Silver". Ouch.  And Alysson pretty much ran the event herself - presenting and then running over to the laptop and projector to get the next slide presentation ready and running back to the podium.

But despite this it was a very well run event and one which I have no doubt will grow in stature and import.

It's a lot of fluff and PR but fabulously enjoyable and I will no doubt work harder to get into first place next year! A very special thanks to all the couples that I worked with in the last year and if you nominated me I am exceptionally grateful!

Celebrating a life

I was the celebrant at a funeral this morning for a person who by all accounts lived a good life and made a lot of friends and who was loved.  He was 25 at his passing and died by his own hand.

Something I have always emphasised at such occasions is that it is important to celebrate the life that has been lived and not just mourn its passing. Something similar is often said at funerals.

It was only after the ceremony as I watched the presence of the intense grief of those who had loved him that I thought "How is a life supposed to be celebrated?".  Had I asked myself this question before or even during the service my answer would have been as follows:

Celebrate the life of those who have passed.  How to celebrate that life is summed up in one word - LIVING. Honor your friend by living.  Seek out Love.  If you have already found love then nurture it and make it grow.  Seek to cross any divides with family and with friends.  Live compassionately and passionately.  When talking of those who have passed do it with passion: Whether you're angry, upset or remembering fondly, be passionate.

Grief is part of that celebration as we grieve for the celebration that is lost.  But that grief must give rise to a further inspiration to LIVE.

When my time comes, that is how I would like to be celebrated.

An Epic Journey

An Epic journey it was.  5 days, 3000kms traversing 5 provinces so I could marry a couple who live just 20kms from my home in Joburg!

I received a phone call from Glynnis about 6 weeks ago asking if I would be available for a wedding in Plettenberg Bay.  I was driving at the time and I instantly said "yes".  I loved the idea of  taking my wife for a road trip and a long weekend away.  The date was set for the 8th of August 2010.

Glynnis is a wonderful singer who performs at Jewish weddings.  The couple, Richard and Jenny, were planning to have a lot Jewish tradition even though Richard is Catholic.

It was only on the weekend before the wedding that I sat down and planned the trip and realised,, to my horror, how far Plett actually is and what this would land up costing me versus what I had charged.  I hurriedly tried to arrange to fly down in stead.  Too late - with the long weekend there were just no flights available.

I resigned myself to this long trip.  We would leave Friday and return on Monday.  Jenny's mother, Barbara had kindly agreed to put us up at a local villa for 3 nights.

Melissa and I planned to get an early night and get up at 3.30 and hit the road by 4am.  This worked accordingly to plan except for the early night.  With the anticipation of the trip we couldn't sleep and by the time we hit the road we'd only slept for 3 hours.

I'll spare everyone the play by play details of the journey down.  In summary we went to PE for a day where I paid R800 for the wrong mechanical problem but despite that we arrived in Plettenberg Bay on Saturday evening, thoroughly exhausted.

One amusing anecdote - we went into "downtown" Plett to get some dinner.  At random we decided on "Ghilies" which promised both sea food and steak.  As we approached I noticed the place was deserted, not a single table was occupied. The manager approached and when asked to be seated he says, totally straight face "I'm sorry, we're totally booked out."  It was all Melissa could do from bursting out laughing.  I assume the rush of guests would arrive in due course.

We woke to an amazing day on Sunday morning and headed to the beach to catch the sunrise which was just fabulous.  It bode very well for the 4.30 wedding.

At lunch time the wind picked up and by 2pm it was overcast and decidedly gloomy.  We left for the Plettenberg Park Hotel at 3pm and when we arrived it was raining and *very* cold.  I couldn't believe how the weather had changed in such a short space of time.

Rather uniquely all male guests were given a yulmulka inscribed with the couple's name and the date.

The Plett Park hotel is beautifully situated on the rocks overlooking the ocean.  During clear weather the view must be breath taking.  During the cold rainy weather I found it starkly awesome.

Shortly after 4.30 the wedding began.  The Chupa was crowded with Groom, Bride, mother and father of the bride, bestman and 4 pole holders as well as a ring bearer and flower girl.  Then of course me to preside and occasionally the Chazan to sing blessings.  This made for lots of gentle shuffling about.

I loved the ceremony.  The singing was magical and clearly both Jenny and Richard were enjoying it.  It was never sombre but rather light with humour and love.  Quite uplifting!

Afterward we all scurried to our cars and made for the White House - a restaurant in the centre of town which hosted the reception.  The food was scrumptious, the wine smooth and the speeches surprisingly delightful.  Melissa and I sat with the person who did the flowers and clearly it had been a stressful week for her!

We finally took our leave shortly after 11am.  We fell asleep almost as soon as we hit the pillows!

Monday morning (public holiday) was another two hour drive back to PE where we spent another day.  On Tuesday we began and concluded the marathon drive back to Joburg.

Was it worth all that effort?  It always is.